Trish and I have been together for a few years and we've been
married for the last three months. I love her more than I ever imagined I could, she's so amazing. Not too long ago, maybe
five or six months, I learned that I have cancer. I'm currently undergoing a lot of chemotherapy but I wasn't given much hope
from the doctors.
More or less they told me that if there was anything I really
wanted to accomplish that I better get a move on it, I guess you could say that was the final reason for our wedding. Sure
I loved her and wanted to be with her for the rest of time but I was scared. Then the news of cancer came and I finally got
the balls to propose. Of course she said yes without a moment of hesitation.
Well of late I've been getting really sick. I think my time is
going to come soon but I don't want to spend my last days depressed about dying. I've accepted it and I'm no longer angry
with God for this. Trish, the doll that she is, has been very supportive of me. I swear I think I would have given up by now
without her by my side. Sometimes the pain is so intense that I cry and there she is right by my side.
She's still with the WWE, I guess I am too but I can't step foot
in the ring, most of the time I accompany her to the ring but there have been
a few times that I've been too sick; she understands though and so do the fans. Everyone has been really supportive; I love
them all for it. That was the main reason I made my sickness public, not because I wanted sympathy though but because they
all support me so much that I would have felt bad for keeping it from them.
Trish and I try to live life as if today is our last, but at the
same time we don't dwell on it. If I die tomorrow I would honestly die happy because my life has been better than I could
have asked for.
I look over at Trish; she's patiently waiting for me to join her
in bed. I walk over to her and capture her beautiful lips with mine. I welcome her tongue into my mouth and I suck softly
on it as she slowly begins to remove my clothes. Tonight since I'm feeling semi-good I let my hands roam her body and begin
to remove her clothing.
Our bare skin rubbing together sent chills down my spine. I was
surprised that I still felt that it was something magical every time we made love. I kissed her neck softly before deciding
on a spot to leave my mark then carefully suck on the skin barely biting down. I'm always afraid that I might be too rough
and leave a huge bruise when I get caught up in the moment. She had one hand running through my rainbow colored hair as she
runs her nails down my back with the other. She knows that that drives me crazy but then again I loved it.
Not being able to wait any longer I enter her as a moan escaped
her mouth, she clutched my shoulder. The pleasure turns to pure ecstasy as we seem to melt into each other. Hours after we
had first gone to bed we lay breathless beside each other. When we finally caught out breath I held her in my arms as we drifted
off to sleep.
I awoke suddenly in the middle of the night knowing that is was
almost time for me to go. I carefully slid out of bed without waking her. She looked so beautiful and I hated that I would
soon be gone but I knew I needed to do some things before I go.
I make my way to the desk in my little study down the hall after
slipping on a pair of boxers and flip the light on. I take a seat as I grabbed a pen and a sheet of paper. The words just
seemed to flow from my pen as though it was possessed. After a few minutes I feel Trish's arms around me. I stand up trying
to keep her from seeing my letter to her.
"What are you doing baby?" she asked.
"Just felt inspired
to write," I reply.
"Come back to bed," she said looking into my green eyes.
"I will soon baby, go wait for me."
"Okay," she started to leave but I pull her back.
I kissed her hard then pulled back. "I love you."
"I love you too Jeff," she kissed me softly and waked back to
our room.
I pick up what I had written and read it.
Trish,
If
I'm gone when you wake up, please don't cry. And if I'm gone when you wake up, please don't sighDon't look back at this time
as a time of heartbreak and distress. Remember me, remember me. 'Cause I'll be with you in your dreams.
Oh,
if I'm gone when you wake up, please don't cry. And if I'm gone when you wake up, please don't sigh. Don't look back at this
time as a time of heartbreak and distress. Remember me, remember me. 'Cause I'll be with you in your dreams.
Oh, don't cry, I'm with you
Don't sigh; I'm by your side
Dont cry, I'm with you
Dont sigh; I'm by your side
And
though my flesh is gone, oh, oh. I will still be with you at all times. And though my body's gone oh, oh. I'll be there to
comfort you at all times. Oh, oh, at all times. Whoa, oh, oh
I
don't want you to cry and weep. Oh, oh. I want you to go on living your life. I'm not sleeping an endless sleep. Oh, oh. It's
in your heart you'll have all of the good times. Oh, all of the good times, oh, ohhave
If
I'm gone when you wake up, please don't cry. And if I'm gone when you wake up, please dont sighDon't look back at this as
a time of heart break and distress. Remember me, remember me. 'Cause I'll be with you in your dreams.
I love you baby girl. And our daughter will love
you too.
Love,
Jeff.
As I read that tears fell down my cheeks, I was going to be a
father. I didn't like the idea of leaving her pregnant but at the same time I was glad I was leaving a part of me with her.
And to think that the doctor said it would be impossible for me to father a child due to the chemo.
I placed the letter in an envelope and wrote her name on it. I
flipped the light off and walked back to our room. I kiss her forehead and swept her hair back. She had fallen asleep waiting
for me to return. I laid the envelope on her nightstand.
I climbed into bed and closed my eyes. Within minutes I took my
last breath. Trish must have sensed it because as I stayed in the room to watch her for a few minutes she woke and placed
her hand on my body, she cried softly and looked around the room. The envelope caught her eyes when she turned on the lamp.
She read the letter with tears streaming down her face. She cried
out, "I love you Jeff and thank-you." I, as in my spirit, embraced her as she cried. "I'll miss you and I'll make sure our
baby girl, Nero Adela Hardy is proud of you."
I knew she would be alright, she was a fighter. I felt she'd be
fine without me, even though I knew she'd feel alone for a while. I take on last glance at her and then I was ready to go.
"Love you," I whispered one last time.
