*I see her voice*

*Inside my mind*

It's been a year since Amy passed on. I still can hear her as if she's right by my side. "I love you, Know that," she whispered the last time I got to talk to her. She held up strong through the whole deal while I broke down knowing that she was going to die and there was nothing I could do. I would have traded places with her in a heartbeat. It hadn't been long after we moved into our new house; we even had plans to get married and maybe even have a baby.

I talked her into a bike ride that day. She hadn't wanted to go but I kept on till she relented. God, I hate myself for that. We were riding along the road minding our own business talking about what we wanted to do in our next days off that Vince had decided to give us. We were going to go to the beach; but those plans were taken away when a truck passing by us struck her. The driver, more like an asshole to me, was drunk. Amy flew to the ground and grabbed her side as I jumped off my bike and ran to her side. I called 911 and stayed by her side.

*I know her face by heart*

I can recall every detail of that long wait, the tears that fell from her eyes. The conversation we had is like it was only yesterday because I can remember every world.

~*~*~*~

"You're going to be alright," I said. "The ambulance is on the way." I held her hand because I was afraid to move her remembering the rule of mot moving someone after an accident like that without knowing if there is spinal damage.

She knew something was wrong, "Matt, I love you. Please always remember that."

"Don't talk like that Ames. You're going to be fine."

"No Matt, I'm not. Matt, I'm dying, I can feel it. I love you."

"Oh Ames, I love you too. Please don't give up. You can fight this, you're strong. I don't want you loose you."

"I'm sorry," she said wincing in pain while she clutched her side with her free hand. "I love you." She took one last breath and closed her eyes.

*Heaven and earth are moving in my soul*

I didn't know what to do; I just sat there and cried. A mixture of emotions ran through his body. He was furious at the man in the truck who hit her and took off. He was angry with God for taking Amy away. He was disappointed and furious with himself for talking her into something she didn't want to do to begin with. He heard the ambulance siren in the distance. He looked up and saw it coming around the bend of the road. He sobbed even harder; they were too damn late.

"Sir, are you the one that called?" one of the EMTs asked.

"Yes but you're too late. She's gone now."

The EMT stooped down and checked for her pulse. "I'm sorry."

"So am I, so am I," Matt cried. He stood back watching them load her onto the gurney, it seemed like a nightmare and he hoped he woke up soon. One of the EMTs escorted him to the ambulance helping him into the back. He looked at Amy's covered body as he cried uncontrollably.

"Sir, I'm going to give you something to help with your nerves," the young girl EMT, he didnt even take the time to get to know their names, said producing a syringe then a vile of Valium. "This will help you a lot."

"Thanks," Matt responded and pulled up his sleeve.

That did the job because in minutes he was in a zombie like state. Moments later he drifted into a deep slumber. He dreamt that Amy was with him. She was alive and everything was fine.

*And I don't know where to start*

*Tell me the words to define*

*The way I feel about someone so fine*

~*~*~*~

That was all I can remember of that time; the doctor kept me sedated for so long that I can't even recall the funeral. I still love her though, I know that. I figure thats why I haven't tried to move on yet.

*How do you talk to an angel?*

*How do you hold her close to where you are?*

*How do you talk to an angel?*

*It's like tryin' to catch a falling star*

I drove myself to her grave so I could take her some beautiful flowers. Setting down on the ground by her marble tombstone, I can feel her presence. There is so much I want to tell her but finding the words just isn't possible. It feels so impossible that this could be reality. I struggle to find the words inside his heart but can't. It's still too hard for me. Growing frustrated I lay down the floors on her grave and walk back to my car.

After driving around for hours I become rather tires so I go home. Her things are still where they were that day for the majority. There is a few I've moved but I still haven't managed to be able to toss anything away or pack them up to store away. I don't flip on the lights because I don't think I could handle seeing them tonight instead I just head to the bedroom and plop down closing my eyes immediately.

*At night I dream and she is there*

*And I feel her in the air*

I sat up startled by a sound of the curtains rustling against each other. Amy is there in my room, I can't see her but she's there, I'm sure. "Amy," I call out but receive no reply. It's the same as it's always been only this time I can feel her presence stronger than ever before. "I miss you Amy," I cry.

A cold chill seems to touch my check and I know that she's okay. I close my eyes and imagine she's standing before me. "Matthew, you have to move on," I hear maybe it's just in my mind but the voice continues. "I love you and miss you but I'm okay. You need to be happy. I release you from me. Go on," I open my eyes.

*Tell me tell me the words to define*

*The way I feel about someone so fine*

She's before me, well not in her bodily form but I can see her as plain as day. She's still beautiful to me. She hadn't changed a bit. She blew a kiss at me and disappeared.

In the morning when I awoke I couldn't tell if everything had been a dream or if it had actually happened. I stumble to the kitchen after a quick pit stop at the bathroom and find flowers on my table. They look exactly like the ones I had taken to Amy the day before. I pick up the piece of paper that was beside them and read the words. "It's okay. I release you." Tears run down my cheeks as I pick them up and head to the car.

At the cemetery I place the flowers back on her grave. "Thank you," I whisper, "But I still love you." I feel a calmness of the breeze around me and smile for the first time ever when thinking of her since the accident.

*How do you talk to an angel?*

*How do you hold her close to where you are*
*How do you talk to an angel?*

*It's like tryin' to catch a falling star*

From that day I have been able to not feel guilty for her death. And I have also been able to look at other women and not feel like I'm stabbing her in the back. Amy is still a part of my life; she'll remain in my heart forever but now I can finally part with her belongings. I still find it hard though to talk to her when I feel the need to but it's becoming easier by the day.

(C) Abigail Louise Wotring