Written Illusionz V2.0

Streets of Heaven
Written Illusionz V2.0
Short illusionz
Long Illusionz
Want to talk to me?
Me, Me, Me.

song by Sierrie Austin

*Hello God, it's me again. 2:00 a.m., Room 304*

*Visiting hours are over, time for our bedside tug of war.*


My husband and I are setting with our angel of a daughter at the local hospital. The poor darling has been in-and-out of the hospitals so many times we've lost count. I rub her hand as she sleeps peacefully, mainly because of the drugs the doctor ordered for her. It's been almost two years since she was diagnosed with leukemia, and every day becomes harder for her to go one; the chemo and radiation didn't work for our baby if anything they probably made things worse. "Jamie," I whisper as not to wake Aurora.


He turned from the window to face me, "Hmm?"


"I love you." I told him even if it didn't really seem like the right moment; I just wanted him to know.


"I love you to Nidia," he said in his southern West Virginian accent before walking over to my side. He looked down at our daughter, "She's really beautiful." He smiled.


"That she is," I wipe away a few stray tears. I try not to cry anymore but it's hard at times. I know that she'll be fine if she has to go. I look up at the door as the head doctor made his way in to the room.


"How is she?" Jamie asked.


"Not good I'm afraid. She's been a real trooper through this all but as much as I wish I didn't have to tell ya this, I don't think she'll make it through the night or the next day." he shook his head. "I'm sorry," he apologized, "I wish there was something I could do."


Jamie pulled me into his arms and we cried together. "Can she please go home?" I ask. "I don't want her going in here; I want her to be at home with us."


"I understand," he nodded. "I'll go get the release papers drawn up and I'll be right back."


I nodded and looked at Jamie his eyes were red and his cheeks were tear-stained. I sobbed softly into my hands for a few minutes. "Mommy, what's wrong?" I heard Aurora ask from her bed.


"Nothing's wrong baby. You're going home." I smiled trying not to cry in front of her, I wanted to be strong. "Just rest."


Within minutes the doctor returned with forms to be signed. "I'm sorry, I wish I didn't have to have you to fill these out but I have to, I hope you understand."


Jamie nodded and signed the papers, "Is that all?" he asked signing the last page of papers.


"Yes, sir. I'll get a wheelchair for her," he said and walked out of the room.




*This sleeping child between us may not make it through the night*


When we got home, we went directly to bed. Aurora was exhausted as were Jamie and I. We tucked her into our bed and explained to her that we just wanted to be close to her.


"Mommy, Daddy?" she looked at us both. "Am I dying?" she asked innocently. "I don't feel so well and everyone looks so sad."


For a young child I'll admit she was bright. "Honey, I'm not going to lie to you, you're sick. Very sick. And yes baby you may die." I hugged her close to my body. "But I don't want you to give up honey, fight to live. Okay?"


"Yes," she said quietly. "I love you."


"I love you too."


"And I love you Aurora," Jamie said setting down on the edge of the bed beside her. He hugged her and kissed her on the forehead. "You fight honey. Now sleep sweetheart, you need rest."


"Alright daddy. I love you." she snuggled down in the bed getting comfortable.


When she was all nestled down Jamie and I climbed into bed and pulled up the covers flipping the lights off.


*I'm fighting back the tears as she fights for her life.*

*Well, it must be kind of crowded*

*On the streets of Heaven*

*So tell me: what do you need her for?*

*Don't you know one day she'll be your little girl forever,*

*But right now I need her so much more.*
*She's much too young to be on her own;*
*Barely just turned seven*

*So who will hold her hand when she crosses the streets of Heaven?*


In the middle of the night, Aurora gasped for air. I heard her and flipped on the light. I cried at the sight of my child struggling to breathe. It's something that no parent ever wants to witness. I nudged Jamie as hard as I could without waking her.


He held my hand as we lay watching her, while we prayed to God that he didn't take our daughter.


*Tell me God, do you remember the wishes that she made?*

*As she blew out the candles on her last birthday cake?*

*She wants to ride a pony when she's big enough*

*She wants to marry her Daddy when she's all grown up*


I pray over and over for God to have mercy on my family. I need my girl and I know Jamie needs her too; she's always been a part of our life together that helps us survive. I'm sure if it wasn't for Aurora, Jamie and I would have probably long split but Aurora seemed to be the link to us that made us love each other more. She loved life and she had so many dreams. But at the same time I understand God's will.


*Well, it must be kind of crowded*

*On the streets of Heaven*

*So tell me: what do you need her for?*

*Don't you know one day she'll be your little girl forever.*
*But right now I need her so much more*

*She's much too young to be on her own;*

*Barely just turned seven*

*So who will hold her hand when she crosses the streets of Heaven?*


Her breathing becomes shallower as the minutes go by. I can no longer stand to lie beside her and let her die; rolling out of bed I kneel on the floor by the bed. Folding my hands I close my eyes. "Dear Lord, Please protect my baby girl. She's only a baby. Please take care of her if you need her. I can't protect her any longer, so please Lord, don't take her yet. I need her so much. And Jamie needs her. We love her. Guide her in the right direction Lord." I cry. "Amen."


Jamie then knelt to the floor beside me, "Lord, she's right. I agree with everything my Nidia said. We love Aurora. She's are angel. Please leave her with us. We need her." He held me for a minute as we watched our daughter together praying for a miracle but after awhile her breathing became slow and more rugged so we got up and set on the edge of the bed.


*Lord, dont' you know she's my angel*
*you got plenty of your own*
*and I know you hold a place for her*
*But she's already got a home*
*Well I don't know if you're listenin'*

*But praying is all that's left to do*

*So I ask you Lord have mercy, you lost a son once too*


Knowing that she didn't have long to go, I picked her up in my arms and leaned onto Jamie. He put his arms around me and Aurora as we waited for her time to pass. Our miracle was passed over but we weren't angry. We knew she was one sick little girl.


*And it must be kind of crowded,*

*On the streets of Heaven.*

*So tell me: what do you need her for?*

*Don't you know one day she'll be your little girl forever.*

*But right now I need her so much more.*

*Lord, I know once you've made up your mind,*

*There's no use in beggin'.*

*So if you take her with you today, will you make sure she looks both ways,*

*And would you hold her hand when she crosses the streets of Heaven.*


*The streets of Heaven.*


She fluttered her eyes open for a second, "I love you," she mouthed. "And He said not to worry, an angel will guide me." Closing her eyes she drew in a deep breath and released it slowly. I held her in my arms rocking back and forth in Jamie's arms. I wept uncontrollably. He soon was doing the same. "We love you Aurora Jade." He yelled into the night as we together held our lifeless child.

(C) Abigail Louise Wotring