Desperately falling into darkness I can feel tears running down my flush cheeks I'm afraid to open my eyes
for fear that I'll regret my decision. The decision to end everything. Yes, I'm a coward, I admit it. But I couldn't go on
living without Matt, I love him too much to even think about moving on and I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life.
He was taken away from me in the blink of an eye.
Damn the asshole that put the bullet through
his head, I recall. I don't know all the details of that night because I wasn't there, but I should have been. If I hadn't
left my bags in the car and he hadn't volunteered to get them chances are that he'd still be here. Everyone thinks he had
walked in on a drug deal and they got scared so they shot my Mattie. That has been almost two weeks ago and each second is
harder than the one before to go on. We were going to get married in the spring and start a family. All those plans went right
down the drain. Now I don't want this life, I don't!
The doctors saw how distressed I was from everything so they put me on some type of sedatives. I can't recall the name
of them now; everything is just too blurry. You see, the doctors didn't realize how hard this was going to be for me. I don't
think they would have ever imagined that I'd take the whole bottle of them at once. We had just finished up a house show so
everyone headed back to the hotel. I waited to be the last person to leave, well I thought I was the last, then went into
the one locker room; to be precise it was the one Jeff had used that night. Grabbing my water bottle and the pill bottle I
take a seat on the bench looking around. What would everyone say and then when they find I've committed suicide, I wonder
but it doesn't matter anymore, nothing does. I turn off the child-safety lid and place the bottle to my mouth. I dump the
pills, I'm not quite sure how many but it was probably around fifteen into my mouth running my tongue over them tasting the
bitterness of them. With a huge mouthful of water I swallow all of the pills.
I lay down on the bench praying that within minutes everything will over. I hear the door open but keep my eyes closed
hoping that whoever it is will just leave. "Amy?" I hear a familiar voice call.
'Oh shit,' I scream silently to myself, 'please just go away.'
"Amy?" I hear him repeat but I can't open my eyes. 'It's too late Jeff, I'm sorry,' I thought. I hadn't wanted to be
found this way by a coworker, definitely not by Jeff.
I feel him place his hand on my arm and shake it slightly. "Amy? Do you hear me?" he yelled then spotted the empty
pill bottle. "Shit, Ames.
Please tell me that you didn't," he cried. Pulling himself together he ran out of the room to the corridor finding a lady
still at the merchandise desk packing things up. "Call 911 Please!! My friend, she's overdosed. Please help?" he pleaded.
"Sir, please remain calm. I'll call for an ambulance. Go to your friend, I'll direct them to the right place," she
answered him firmly in a calm voice.
"Thanks, we're in the locker room A103," he said running back to the room.
Once by my side he put his arms around me, I feel like shit and my heart aches. I can't believe I hadn't thought about
Jeff. I feel his body shake as he weeps uncontrollably. 'Oh God, please forgive me,' I beg. 'Don't let me die?' I fight to
open my eyes but my eye lids feel glued shut.
Moments later I hear a rush of people come in the door. "Sir, does she have a pulse?" a lady asked.
"Um...I'm not sure, I think so," he replied in a broken voice.
"Please stand back sir, we need some room," another voice yells. "She has a pulse but barely. We need to get her to
the hospital as soon as possible. Prepare the stomach pump," she ordered. "Sir, do you know how many of these she took?" she
held up the bottle.
"No ma'am, I'm sorry. This is how I found her. Is she going to make it?" he asked barely audible.
"I can't tell you for sure, things don't look that great; but believe me we'll work our hardest."
"Thanks," he watched them place me on the stretcher. I can still hear his sobs but things keep getting darker by the
second. I want to cry out and tell him that I'm sorry but nothing comes out. I never even thought about how selfish I was
being. There Jeff was; he lost his brother and now he may just loose me, his best friend.
"I'm sorry, sir. But you'll have to follow us to the hospital. We need all the space possible," she informed when loading
me into to the back of the ambulance.
Noticing pale blueness of my skin Jeff didn't argue, he went to his car and watched feeling hopeless as they shut the
doors of the ambulance and turned the siren on. Watching the howling siren and the flashing lights he put his head in his
hands and sobbed. "Please...God....don't...take her!" he yelled. Gaining control of his emotions he turned the ignition on
and put the car in drive, heading toward the hospital.
I could feel the EMTS rush around me; one gouged an IV into my arm while another forced my mouth open. I wanted this
all to be over, I wished that I could turn back time to before my stupid mistake but I couldn't. I feel a tube being shoved
down my throat, I'm guessing that it's part of the stomach vacuum just before everything went black.
After what felt like days since everything went black my eyelids fluttered open with great effort. When my eyes finally
adjusted I saw a bright white room with machines all around me. Squinting I could see my name printed on a chart at the foot
of my bed as well as some other words I couldn't quite make out.
Not long after I realized where I was, a woman with gray hair entered the room. "Well hello there darlin'. You've given
everyone quite a scare, young one." I couldnt believe the way she talked but she was right, I had scared a lot of people.
"The young man that called for help the other night is worried sick," she sighed. I knew she meant Jeff. "The poor boy fell
asleep in a chair a few hours ago; I didn't have the heart to way him up."
"Can I see him?" I ask afraid that if I didn't say something she'd babble on for God only knows how long.
"Not yet, the doctor has to se you first, so I'll go get Dr. Morgan now." She
jotted a few notes down on my chart before leaving.
About ten minutes later a short man, maybe in his early forties, entered the room. "Good morning Miss Dumas, how are
"Tired," I answered simply.
"That's expected miss. What did you expect taking all those sedatives? Was life that bad sweetheart?" He looked at
me for an answer; I could tell that he was waiting to evaluate my response so I thought everything out before opening my mouth.
I didn't want to be in a loony bin.
"No," I said quietly. "I just didn't think everything out properly.
"I see." 'Shit,' I thought to myself. 'That wasn't a good answer.' "We had a hard time keeping you stable last night.
You're very lucky Mr. Hardy found you when he did, a few minutes later and you wouldn't be here now."
"Can I see him?" I asked again.
"In just a few minutes."
"Thanks," I watched him take a few notes; I wish I knew what was going on in his mind. Does he think I'm crazy?
"Hmm...Well Miss Dumas, I think that you need some professional help, so as soon as you're stable enough I'm going
to have you transferred to a mental ward for about six weeks."
"But I'm not crazy," I insisted. "I'm not!"
"But miss you just deliberately tried to commit suicide, I do believe that you need some counseling."
"You don't understand though, I just lost my boyfriend two weeks ago. I just wasn't thinking, I'll be fine."
"You need therapy, so don't argue because you won't win. You'll be at the institute no matter how much you protest."
"Someone has to sign me over first since I won't sign anything. So good luck finding that person," I spat.
"Already have ma'am."
"Who in the hell?"
"Mr. Hardy," he said leaving the room. Pausing before closing the door he added, "I'll send him in now."
I couldn't believe my ears; Jeff had betrayed me! I had trusted him.
"Amy?" he said poking his head around the door. "Are you alright?"
"Go to hell Jeffery Nero Hardy!" I screamed instead of thanking him for saving my life.
"I guess the doctor told you," he simply said. "Ames, I'm sorry. You scared
the shit out of me. What was I supposed to do?" he asked me even though I was giving him the cold shoulder. "You need help
rather you'll admit it or not. Please forgive me?"
For the longest time neither one of us said a word. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye; seeing how miserable
he looked broke my heart. "Oh Jeff, of course I forgive you," I cried. "Thank-you for caring so much for me...come here."
I said holding my arms out toward him.
As soon as I had my arms around him he wept like a baby. "Ames, I don't
know what I would have down if I had lost you. I love you so much, and not just as a friend. I love you."
His words probably should have caught me by surprise but they didn't. I loved him too, but I also loved Matt. "I love
you Jeff but you'll have to give me time," I said pulling away from his embrace. "Do you understand?"
"Yes," he replied and kissed me softly on the forehead.
The doctor returned a few minutes later, "I see you forgave him."
"Yes, he only cares."
"Yes he does," he checked my pulse and blood pressure taking a note. "You'll be ready to leave for the institute soon."
Well the institute wasn't too bad. I only had to stay five and a half weeks. Things are a lot less confusing now, and
have been for the last two years. Jeff and I are now married. We have a beautiful set of twins; Matthias Stone and River Moore.
Matt is still in my heart but Jeff now owns it. I love him so much. We both still wrestler for the WWE where everyone helps
us with our kids. Who knew all this good could come from my suicide attempt. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if
none of the past events; the hospital or the overdose would have happened. But I don't care all I know is that I love everything
in my life now, every last bit of it.